Looking for Trouble

Trouble is his only friend and he's back again.
Makes his body older than it really is.
He says it's high time he went away; no one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.

As strong as you were, tender you'll go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

If he had wings he would fly away, and another day God will give him some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.

As strong as you were, tender you'll go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight.
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight, under the Stars and Stripes.

As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.

I'll carry you home.

- - -

Expectations are gone, and I don't know who I am anymore.

From the moment I sent the text, I knew what would happen.

Knew what kind of unfulfilled emptiness I was doomed to repeat yet again.

But I still pursued.

This casual business has gotten me nowhere before, and it's getting me nowhere now.

I can only think of two things:

1) Old habits die hard, and
2) Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Problem is I can remember my past; I just choose to ignore it.

Inertia

You think you're numb.

You can't feel a thing, aren't phased by any glaring sort of emotion, aren't coerced into action due to an overpowering gut instinct too great to comprehend.

You think you've lost your passion, unstirred by any sort of feeling, unmoved by a lack of empathy or compassion in what surrounds you.

You move through your days listless and unexpectant, not hoping for much but just for enough to get by to the next day.

And you're okay with this.

You've settled for this life of mundane content, knowing all the while you are capable of taking on so much more than you're given, as evidenced by the acute, inscrutable pang of emptiness that has burrowed deep inside you that you've managed to ignore.

The situation you've found yourself is not ideal by any means, but for you, for now, it's fine.

Simply… fine.

And then something comes along to knock you off that path of inertia you've been traveling on for God knows how long.

Something so huge, something so profound in its meaning has reached out from the blur that is your life and shakes up your world, shows you that the dormant emotions you've had within you were just idling, waiting for something to stir them up.

What's less surprising is where that catalyst is coming from.

a hand from the past reaches out to shake up my future.

I couldn't have said it better myself (which I did, November 21, 2008).

Same situation.

Same catalyst.

New year.