Last night's journal entry made it clear to me that I really did not know myself very well, despite what I firmly believed.
I still look to others to tell me who I am, to give me a definition of myself so I know what the expectations around my neck are.
I often measure myself up to other people who share my birthday, holding myself accountable for insurmountable achievements that or on par with those of Yves Saint Laurent, Frances Scott Key, Herman Mellville, William Clark, Dom DeLuise.
Doing this only makes me feel even more at a loss at discovering my true self.
I've yet to accomplish any great feats my birth date brothers have accomplished before me, leaving me feeling only more like a failure, like I'm not meeting the maximum capacity of the potential bestowed upon me right at birth.
Instead of becoming obsessed with this realization, I decided to catalogue what I do know about myself.
So while in bed, I took out a sheet of paper and began jotting things down.
The following is what resulted.
WHO THE FUCK AM I??
a map of Jun Belisario
Granted, I couldn't get every last piece of who I am fitted into the 8.5" x 11" borders, but the general ideas of my persona are there.
Hopefully with this better knowledge of myself, I can put these qualities to good use and do something great with them, because it's about time I make my own great achievements to which other people can measure themselves up.
