a boy's own search for meaning in life, love, and birthday cake.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

T2M #7-11

#7
0420 – 0624
Every time I stop to think about what I'm doing, a lump in my throat forms and my heart beats faster than it should.

Guess I just gotta keep my eyes facing forward and march on.

- - -

#8
Undated
I can hear the echoes of my future calling out to me.

It's only now that I am realizing what I'm giving up, but there is so much more that I stand to gain.

- - -

#9
0509 – 2122
If no man is an island, why do I feel like the world's loneliest soul?

Am I destined to feel this alone my entire life?

I know what I want, and though what I've got is good enough for some, my desire is still left unfulfilled.

I am haunted by the emptiness of solitude all the time.

My pride restrains me from reaching out.

The sea that divides me from the rest of the world is deeper than it looks, but I still wait for someone to tread those treacherous waters to seek the treasures I posses.

Hope is what nourishes me to keep me going, but is it leading me in the right direction?

- - -

#10
0522 – 1059
If I am such a forgiving person, why is the person hardest to forgive is myself?

Why is it that I don't take it easy on myself when I know the person who needs the most breaks is myself?

Why do I push myself to the extreme when everyone says to take it slow, to start off with baby steps?

I know I am an impatient person. I expect results as soon as I apply the techniques.

And damn, do I aim high in my expectations.

I guess the biggest thing I need to learn is patience.

Slow and steady wins the race, but true to form, I am already expecting myself to know this so I can move on already.

- - -

#11
0602 – 0541
I can only think, Now what?

I'm dejected, morose.

I feel as if something has been taken away from me, something that meant more to me than I thought it would now that it's gone.

I keep thinking Keep your head up, old friend., but it does nothing to mask the disappointment and shame in my eyes.

- - -

I can only ask, Why?

Why did you take this away from me?

I don't know what to do now- I'm feeling at such a loss, I don't even remember which direction is up anymore.

I can't blame this for the poor decisions I've been making lately, but it feels as if I no longer have control of my life.

What the fuck do I do now??