Highs & Lows

What did I just do?

Like others before me, it was in the spur of the moment, in the bizarre and random twist of chance, that I made a really thoughtless, impulsive decision.

Just what the hell did I get myself into?

I’m scared for myself. I didn’t think this through, just dove right in.

Why did I do this?

I’m not the same person anymore. I’m not who I thought I was.

I crossed a threshold and there’s certainly no chance of coming back.

Who have I become?

I didn’t think I had it in me. It frightens me that when left to my own devices without superimposed logic and reason I would make a decision such as this.

I’m torn and don’t know why.

Did I just lose respect for myself for choosing this path?

It’s just a step in one direction; no telling where it’ll lead me, but it was a step I had never planned on taking.

I guess I’m just in shock over what had taken place, my thoughtless action that helped to shape the situation.

I am full of regret moreso than anything at the moment.

I had always prided myself in always knowing right and wrong, and now I’m not so sure where I stand.

Maybe I should take this as proof that I am more than I realize, that I am capable of more than I thought.

I’m not the goody two-shoes I had always thought I was, always picking right over wrong.

Perhaps this is just a symptom of the transformation I’ve felt undergoing within me these past few months.

I’m shaking off my old self, my old ideals, to show I’m now becoming something much more.

The two-dimensional landscape of my character is mutating into something much more complex, inheriting a new layer of depth and conflict to contribute to all that makes up the whole.

There is a new person in me fighting for release, for his well-deserved freedom, and I can do nothing but wait and move in his own time.