Open Letter: Little J.

Dear Little J.,

I'm sorry I held you back.

I'm sorry I didn't give you all the support you needed as you struggled through your life without knowing what any of it meant.

I'm sorry I believed all this time that you were too weak and fragile to stand up and fight for yourself.

I'm sorry for not hearing your voice, for letting you cry yourself to sleep some nights without letting anyone know why.

I'm sorry I put so much fear into you I had to put you in a shell to protect you from the world.

I'm sorry for not giving you the strength you needed to fight those fears, the courage to seek life on your own, the love in yourself that was the summation of all you ever really needed.

I'm sorry I taught you to fear instead of to love.

I'm sorry for shutting you out.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I was stupid.

I made some horrible mistakes.

I wish to God I could go back in time and correct them for you, to save you from all the hurt and misery I put you through, but you and I both know that's not how it works.

So instead of sending you my regrets (what would you do with them, anyway?), I'm sending you my gratitude.

Thank you for all that you've done. The decisions you've made. The choices you've chosen. The actions you've taken.

The situations you've been through.

The hurt you've felt.

They've all helped to shape the person I am today.

Without you, I am nothing.

I would not have the great strength I possess now had you not suffered for them.

You are the one who has taught me that the strength I've needed all this time could be found in myself, and that the love I've been looking for has always been there, just waiting to be discovered.

Thank you for showing me what I thought I destroyed was never lost at all.

Love,
J.